i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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