WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Sober January is a disaster.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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