If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she looked like the before picture.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
