he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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