i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
