you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
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Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
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My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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