I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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