he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
