just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
