i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
