i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
