Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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