if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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