Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
