Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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