so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
