you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
