still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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