Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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