he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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