Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
