We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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