shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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