i jhust puked up my retainher.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
