Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I would fuck him just for his dog
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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