your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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