Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
