you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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