She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
