I'm going to jail i love you
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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