a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
