i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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