You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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