my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
