ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize