we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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