Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I faked an abortion last night.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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