I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
