Only a mothe r could love this liver
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
i now understand why vodka
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
