i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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