Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
