New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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