please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
