i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
