and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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