im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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