How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
