I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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