Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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