im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
