I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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