I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
