dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
