anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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