I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
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Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
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my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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