She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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