two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize