Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
