Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
