I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
