And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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