I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
