pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
