it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
