i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
