I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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