Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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