I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
it was like eating out sand paper
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
